Futurama Cuts UK

Season 3

Channel 4 were less strict when they broadcast Season 3 of Futurama in late 2002. Bender's favourite word, "ass", was now allowed, whereas in Season 2 it had fallen victim to the censor's tiny wand of evil.

Having said that, C4 still made several bonkers decisions in removing content: an entire scene (in episode 12, Insane in the Mainframe), as well as the words "pimp" and "pimpmobile". Let's hope that nobody makes a popular series called Pimp My Ride in a few years, eh?

1: THE HONKING
C4 premiere 18.09.02, 18:30

THE ONE WHERE Bender and the gang visit the Robo-Hungarian Empire, where he has inherited a castle from his dead Uncle Vladimir. Bender is then run over by a were-car – and is doomed to turn into a were-car himself every night, eventually killing his dearest friend, unless PX can kill the original were-car – an evil being known as Project Satan.

DEFINITE CUTS BY C4    DEFINITE CUTS BY SKY ONE
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Leela is showing everyone the newspaper:
LEELA      There was a hit and run by the Robot 
Porno Theatre.
BENDER   Robot 
Porno Theatre? I was in… that general area… last night.
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Sky loses some footage here, because the original US version "cut to commercial" to leave viewers in suspense through the adverts. Channel 4 didn't cut any footage, Sky just cut out the suspense:
Bender, an uncontrollable were-car, revs up and drives towards Leela. 
She shields her eyes from the headlights.
[ADVERTS]
Leela is still shielding her eyes, and there’s a front shot of Bender advancing, but Leela runs into ‘Park Avenue Junk’.
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At the end:
FRY                   (gets out a beer) Here’s to you! [Bender]
BENDER             Hey, that’s my last beer
, you bastard! I’ll kill you!
FRY                   (toasting) I’ll kill you too, buddy – I’ll kill you too…
[C4 only cut out "you bastard!"]

(Bender strangles Fry, and among the choking noises we hear him say "Yes! Yay!", because it proves that Bender’s his best friend)

2: WAR IS THE H-WORD
C4 premiere 25.09.02, 18:30

THE ONE WHERE Bender and Fry want to qualify for 5% military discount, so join the army with the plan of quitting as soon as they've bought some ham-flavoured gum. But, seconds later, war were declared, and they end up in combat against an army of balls on a planet with little value. And Leela isn’t there to save them from certain death this time. Or is she? (da da dunn)
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DEFINITE CUTS
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Opening scene, in the shop:
SHOP ASSISTANT        Alright sergeant, $100-worth of pixie sticks
 and porno mags, with your 5% military discount, comes to $95.
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Later, Brannigan reveals the 10 words Bender says most frequently. These also appear on his hand-held screen:
BRANNIGAN     Number 8: "Yours". No 7: “Up”. No 6: "Pimpmobile"
Instead of "Pimpmobile" appearing on-screen at no 6, we hear
BRANNIGAN     No 6: Of course!
and see a paused frame of Kiff and Fry, who are listening to Brannigan. The image starts moving when Brannigan starts to list the top 5 words, which appear on a new page.
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BENDER       Enough of this crap! I’m catching the next pimpmobile out of here!
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Not too bad, to be honest. We were allowed to hear all the "ass" references, "crap", and numerous risqué "balls" jokes, which wouldn't have stood a chance in Season 2.

3: THE CRYONIC WOMAN
C4 premiere 02.10.02, 18:30

THE ONE WHERE Fry and Bender seize the opportunity to fly the PX ship round the world – and drag the company building with them, battering the place up real good. Fry and Bender are fired, as is Leela for leaving the keys in the ignition. Luckily she’s kept their old job chips, but accidentally mixes hers and Fry’s up, making herself a delivery boy and Fry an employee at the cryogenics place. There, Fry meets his girlfriend from the 20th century, who froze herself too…
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NO CUTS

4: PARASITES LOST
C4 premiere 09.10.02, 18:30

THE ONE WHERE After Fry eats a bad sandwich at a fuelling station, worms' eggs hatch and worms start living inside his body, making him smarter and more muscular.
Leela is asked to distract Fry while the rest of PX shrink themselves and go into his body in to ask the worms to leave. But, while spending the day with Fry, Leela realises that she doesn't want them to change him back to his old self…


DEFINITE CUTS
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Outside, Fry and Leela walk past a construction site. Leela stops:

LEELA   Ugh! It's that jerk from the truck stop. Let's cross the street and blend in with that crowd of pimps.
FRY      I don't think so. [Walks up to Sal] Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology.
LEELA  Fry, no. He's bulging with what could be muscles.

[credit – Impossible and Aslate on Peel for the cut, and alt.tv.futurama on Google for the lines]
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In October 2002 it seemed that C4 were concentrating most of their censorship resources on Alias, from which they cut 5½ minutes of the first episode. Showing a gritty series like that in the early-evening is dumb, but at least puts into perspective how inoffensive Futurama is in comparison.

5: AMAZON WOMEN IN THE MOOD
C4 premiere 16.10.02, 18:30

THE ONE WHERE Zapp and Kiff go on a double half-date with Leela and Amy, but Zapp uncharacteristically crashes the restaurant. Onto a planet of giant Amazonian women. Fry and Bender fly to save them, but all the males are captured and sentenced to death – by snu-snu!
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DEFINITE CUTS
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At the double half-date:
(Kif breathes heavily and stutters. Then he drinks from his glass and takes out Zapp's book. He reads from it)
KIFF      Amy, (stutters) if I said you had a beautiful body would you take your pants off and dance around a little? (panicked) Oh!
AMY      What?
LEELA   Lieutenant Kroker!
(Kiff panics, but Zapp smiles widely and gives him two thumbs up.
 
Kif stutters and flips several pages in the book.)
KIFF        I-I-I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies.
AMY        Kif!
KIFF        Oh, my. [Grabs his head]
LEELA     This half date is entirely over.
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The men are chained to the wall.
FRY         Leela, I'm through making fun of women. Now I want them to help me.
AMY         Should we do something? (Fry is gagging)
LEELA     There's no hurry.
ZAPP       Yes, a little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order.
(The Amazonian punches him in the butt)
ZAPP       Too hard!

AMAZONIAN   Men strange. You have them on your planet?
LEELA            I'm afraid so.
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At the Snu-snu chambers. Fry and Zapp walk out with knees shaking.
ZAPP               We need rest. The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
AMAZONIAN   It time snu-snu!
FRY                Can't we just cuddle? No!

LEELA            We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch.

[Credit: PEEL's Juliet, and alt.tv.futurama / Low Bandwidth Futurama Site]

6: BENDLESS LOVE
C4 premiere 23.10.02, 18:30

THE ONE WHERE After sleep-bending because of his bend-free lifestyle, Bender realises that the only way to satisfy his need for bending is to get a job bending girders – so he starts work at a girder-bending factory whose employees have gone on strike. One of his co-workers is Angeline, a fembot whom he falls in love with… and the other is Flexo!

DEFINITE CUTS
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BENDER     Flexo?!
FLEXO        Bender?!
BENDER     Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison instead of me on account of mistaken identity.
FLEXO       
You bastard. They treated me like an animal and that's what I became. (laughs) Nah, you're all right. Good to see you, buddy.

7: THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STUPID
C4 premiere 30.10.02, 18:30

THE ONE WHERE After Nibbler wins "dumbest pet in show" at the pet competition, a mysterious group of intelligence-hating giant brains come to earth, destroying all intelligence in their path and making everybody stupid – except Fry. Meanwhile, Nibbler takes Leela to his home planet to meet the Nibblonians, who have existed since the dawn of time.
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POSSIBLE CUTS BY SKY ONE
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This seems like a pretty odd thing for Sky to cut, but according to Peel’s Archie2k they did:

Jet engine sound is heard and then Leela crashes though the window on Nibbler's ship:

FRY        (runs to her) Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead?
LEELA     I... have... to tell... Must... important... Something...
FRY        Whoa-whoa, slow down. You're going a mile a minute.

Dialogue: Low-Bandwidth Futurama Site

8: THAT’S LOBSTERTAINMENT!
C4 premiere 06.11.02, 18:30

THE ONE WHERE Zoidberg is booed off the stage at an open-mike comedy night. He contacts his uncle, Harold Zoid, who was a film star in the past, for a few hundred pointers.
Unbeknown to Zoidberg, Harold is now washed-up and living in an old people's home. And, mistakenly believing Zoidberg is rich, Harold invites him to Hollywood to shoot a "brilliant" drama film with him – and provide the million-dollar financial backing! But Bender, who’s become acquainted with soap star Calculon, concocts a plan to help Zoidberg out, guaranteeing Calculon an Oscar…

NO CUTS

9: THE BIRD-BOT OF ICE-CATRAZ
C4 premiere 13.11.02, 18:30

THE ONE WHERE PX are asked to go on an extremely controversial mission – delivering a ship full of rich Colombian dark-matter, passing right by a penguin reserve on Pluto (to avoid the toll booth). But Leela refuses to go along with this, instead joining a protest movement to stop the ship.
Bender is made the new captain, turning into a big blowhard. When this becomes too much for Fry and he storms out, Bender stops drinking alcohol and crashes the ship into the Plutonian penguin reserve, causing a natural disaster…
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DEFINITE CUTS BY C4

On Pluto, Free Waterfall Sr (the top eco-nut) talks to the protesters:
F.W. SR.         If you’re cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. It’s nature’s long johns. (picks up some ice 
and starts rubbing it inside his pants) If rubbing frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don’t wanna be right.
(cut to next scene – wide shot of inside the penguin reserve)
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Although the censors didn't mind him telling everybody to "Put your hands between your buttocks! It's nature's pocket" later in the episode.

10: LUCK OF THE FRYRISH
C4 premiere 20.11.02, 18:30

THE ONE WHERE We see what Fry’s life was like when he was a kid in 1980s New York – while playing basketball with his jealous and over-competitive brother Yancey, Fry found a seven-leaf clover which gave him luck and let him do great things. But when Yancey tried to steal that, Fry hid it inside the Breakfast Club soundtrack in the record vault in his dad’s nuclear fallout shelter, and never touched it since.
But now (i.e. in the future) he wants it back, and goes to the ruins of Old New York…
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NO CUTS
Channel 4 even kept in a mention of Run DMC’s Jam Master Jay, who died just weeks before, whereas Fox changed a reference to the deceased John F Kennedy Jr in Space Pilot 3000 (the first episode).

11: THE CYBER HOUSE RULES
C4 premiere 27.11.02, 18:30

THE ONE WHERE Adlai, a doctor from Leela's old Orphanarium, offers to give her eye surgery so that she won't look like a cyclops anymore. Despite Fry’s protests, she goes through with it, starts blending into crowds, and starts going out with Adlai, but he turns out to be reeeeeally boring.
Meanwhile, Bender learns that he’ll get $100 for adopting a child from the Orphanarium – so he adopts twelve!

NO CUTS

12: INSANE IN THE MAINFRAME
C4 premiere 04.12.02, 18:30

THE ONE WHERE Fry and Bender are arrested when Bender’s old (insane) buddy Roberto incriminates them in a bank robbery. They plead insanity to avoid a jail sentence, but both are sent to the robot mental home. Fry is given the same treatment as any robot (oil for food, exploding roommate etc). He starts acting like a robot and is released, but continues to act like that once he’s out! Can Leela make him realise he’s human?
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DEFINITE CUTS BY CHANNEL 4

Fry is testifying in his and Bender’s trial: They’ve just looked at a security hologram of the robbery:
FRY     I’ll never forget that name [Roberto] as long as I live. And that name is…
    (Hologram disappears, and Fry spots Roberto in the public gallery, wearing a beard. 
He pulls his beard down and wiggles his knife so Fry can see it. Fry chokes and coughs in shock)
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A whole scene was removed:
After Malfunctionin' Eddie has been released, which leaves Fry without a cellmate:
NURSE RACHET       Fry… are we ready to meet our new roommate?
(a box is wheeled up to the cell door: it opens, revealing Roberto)
[on the C4 version at this point, the screen pauses and blacks out, but we hear Fry’s horrified gasp without him moving his lips]
(Fry gasps, horrified)
ROBERTO      Hiya, Red!
FRY                Roberto! W-w-what are you doing here?
ROBERTO      I got busted robbing that bank again.
FRY               (shaking with fear) Why would you hold up the same bank twice?
ROBERTO      Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What’s the matter… (lurches manically toward Fry) You scared?!
FRY                N-n-no-
ROBERTO      Noticeably? I’ll say. Now stand back, I gotta practice my stabbing (starts trying to poke Fry with his knife, making a high-pitched kung fu-ish ‘ha-ha!’ noise)
FRY                No! Please! Stop it! Pleeease! (Roberto aims for him a few more times)
BENDER        (in another cell, bangs on the wall) Hey, keep it down in there, I’m tuning my banjo. (we hear him strum the banjo a few times)
(Roberto stops his stabbing practice: Fry whimpers and holds his arms to his face)
ROBERTO      Jeez, Red, quit cowering! You call yourself a robot?
(starts the stabbing practice again)
FRY                I’m not a robot… I’m not a robot!! Waaaaaaaaargh!

END OF SCENE: total amount cut = 45 seconds
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Later, Roberto has taken PX hostage:
COP                  (on loudspeaker) Do you have any better hostages?
ROBERTO        To show them who’s crazy, I’ll execute some of you. (to Professor) How about you? (pokes the end of the knife on Prof.’s neck)
PROFESSOR    Ouch! That’s going to bleed when my heart beats.

LEELA               Wait! Take me first!
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That 45-sec cut is at least the longest since 
A Bicyclops Built For Two (back in Season 2), possibly the longest ever. Looking at it, it’s a pretty unpleasant scene with only a couple of jokes – and I can’t name any other occasion on The Simpsons or Futurama when we’ve seen knife violence like this.

C4 cut the "executions" bit because of the deliberate (but light) use of a knife to hurt someone – although they show Fry get a flesh wound from the knife later.

But C4 still left in most of the knife scenes, and this is the most violent Futurama episode I can recall. Still...

– We now don’t hear about the second bank robbery by Roberto (the reason why he gets put in the mental home), but we do hear about the third later on – I mean, that could ruin the episode for a person, that could.

– Also, all fans of Bender’s banjo will have been disappointed by the fact that the first of its two appearances by it was cut! Disgraceful anti-banjo cutting by C4 there.

13: BENDIN’ IN THE WIND
C4 premiere 11.12.02, 18:30

THE ONE WHERE
Bender is paralysed by the giant can-opener, and told he’ll never be able to move his arms or legs again. But he realises that he still has a reason to live when singer Beck makes him his washboard-player and they tour America.
On tour, Bender arranges a big charity concert in San Francisco – Bend Aid – to raise money to save his fellow broken robots. But then Bender suddenly regains the use of his arms and legs. Will he fake being broken at the concert? Yes.
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NO CUTS
 
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